Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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