Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i think my mom watched the whole time
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
