I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
whose parrot is this?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
