It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
So vagazzling was a success
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
