I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
