i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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