i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize