did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Damn victory sex feels great
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize