I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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