this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
