I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
