You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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