sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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