he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
