She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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