if i can run in heels then i can drive
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
