If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
