feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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