Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
