The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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