you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
