That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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