Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
