So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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