i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
