i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
