3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
