so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
