So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Randomize
