i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
