the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
