wrigley field is MILF paradise
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
