omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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