I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
