So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
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