So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
