You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
