Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
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