oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
