To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
