I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
