I think I just saw someone hide a body.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
