tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
