thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
