it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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