I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
