the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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