The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize