I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
