i wish peter jackson would direct porn
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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