Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
