Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You made out with two different species that night
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
