waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
