My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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