I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
