I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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