I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
