Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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