Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
