you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
