I just made out with a guy for $7.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
