it wasn't lemon gatorade
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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