just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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