All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
