I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
