You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
