Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
